Growing Up

Today I spent, not kidding, three hours sorting through all of my old pictures from high school. I took endless amounts of film to every special event - or even on ordinary days - our school put on. Every imaginable pose, place and person was somewhere scattered on my floor today. And everytime I flipped through a different time, memories flooded back. They say a picture says a thousand words. I think mine could fill a thousand books. I sorted each picture and each event, according to time. Fall of freshman year to walking down the aisle of graduation. Granted, most of the pictures were from school events...but many, too many, were full of summer time fun. I looked at the beach, and parks, and parties...and thought about the summer I am having so far. Understandably back then, only a few of us had jobs...and those were a few hours a week. I was one of the few back then, and now am one of the few who are unemployed. Anyways. While it's obvious that growing up means taking on more responsibility, does it mean that we have to take the fun out of it?

I know that people change. Well let me rephrase that. People grow into their personalities. In reality, people don't change - too much - at all anyways. I used to think they could, but once something is engraved in you for so long, that's just the way you are. But this is getting on to a completely new topic, one that I may write about soon.

So kids grow up, we move away to college and meet a countless amount of new people and form new lives and stronger relationships. But those you have in high school should still count. For me, I think some of the best friends I will ever have came from those four years between the ages of 14 and 18. Not because I don't make friends when I am away at school, but because I don't cancel out those other relationships from earlier. And while they keep growing stronger, the newer ones are simply catching up.

Responsibilities. Jobs, school work, relationships. All are essential to growing into someone successful. But can't fun be included in that? Gone are the times when waking up early meant nothing if a little fun was to be had the night before. Whether it's watching a movie or watching a friend do a keg stand is besides the point. I feel I do the same routine day in and day out, when I should be enjoying every day..doing something new. With people, I know, would savor as well.

Growing up is just such a mystery to me. They say adolescence is fleeting, which, is definitely true. I feel like yesterday could have been my 15th birthday. But so much happens so fast, it's hard to keep up. When does it stop being ok to stay up all night taking shots, spend the night on a friend's floor, and wake up in the clothes you got ready in last night? At some point, we are all supposed to grow out of this feeling of being helpless and alone, but I feel it's only just starting.

No matter how many close friends you have, or how much you value a significant other, can anyone really understand you or your growing feelings completely? After high school I thought was the real world. But college is just more work and more parties (minus of course constant summer fun). In two years, I have to make huge decisions. How much money I need to save a month to pay off tremendous student loans. Where I want to live. What I want to do with the rest of my life. The pressure is on.

But does that really mean no more fun?

I'm getting into way too much now, all of which I should save for entries to come.



being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up
the only thing that matters is just following your heart
and eventually you'll finally get it right
- the ataris